Feeling Inferior

If there was every a moment when I fully realized that I was my own worst enemy, it was last night, in tears, alone in my bedroom.

I had spent the night with a gaggle of my best girlfriends and honest to God you couldn’t ask for a better group of girls to spend time with. The whole lot of them are sweet, kind, caring, hilarious, and cripplingly beautiful.

And even though I had laughed and enjoyed my time with them, the entire time I couldn’t get over how I would never look like them.

I have a really beautiful life. I have wonderful parents who love me endlessly, and a family that supports me in all my endeavors. I have best friends that are truly some of the most beautiful souls on the planet and not to mention that I have the most wonderful boyfriend who makes my life so much better and brighter and beautiful.

But alone in my bedroom last night crying very real tears, I was my own worst enemy. I hate my body. I look in the mirror and to see myself this way is devastating. I am not overweight. But I hate myself.

Today, alone in my bedroom, without tears I realized that I am the one that allows myself to feel inferior. Instead of embracing my body the way it is and openly loving myself, I allow the thoughts, opinions, and even looks of others crush me.

I have to stop giving myself consent to hate. I need to stop allowing me to make me feel inferior. Today is a message to be strong and stop hurting yourself with your own thoughts, today is a message to stop being your own worst enemy.


Starting Fresh

Every time the new year strikes our Facebook feeds light up with an array of resolutions. While you may not be one of the many friends openly making your desire to drop fifteen pounds, read more, and spend more time with your family known, you may have been thinking it.

Since we are already a good chunk into the new year I have had time to ruminate on a few resolutions of my own. This list has mentally changed about 12 times in the 12 days since 2015 arrived and I think that that says a lot about resolutions.

I went from openly wanting to drop some serious weight to then deciding that I should focus on being healthy and most importantly accepting my body. I think that the moment I can finally accept my body the way it is, that eating healthy and exercising will become just a part of my life instead of a nagging fear.

I love to run and workout and while I eat fairly well, I have always hated my body. It is a monstrous feeling that has followed me for a long time. I hope that 2015 is the year that I ditch it.

I have a lot of resolutions this year. But to me, I try not to think of them as resolutions but rather as goals. Some of these goals are small, and some are larger, but to me it isn’t about checking them off a list. It is about creating a happy and healthy life that I am proud to live.

I want to share my top five fitness goals and top five personal goals with you.

Fitness Goals

1. Run 12 races this year of varying lengths.

2. Drink more water.

3. Try a real yoga class.

4. Focus on lifting more for defined arms.

5. Work on eating clean 80/20.

Personal Goals

1. Get a job after graduation.

2. Find and move into my own apartment.

3. Write down one thing I’m thankful for everyday.

4. Decorate my surroundings to inspire me.

5. Spend more time with my Dad.

These are the things that are most important to me. I am a busy person with a busy life, but I want to love that business. I want to revel in long days and late nights in a place I love with people I love.

Try setting goals for yourself this year. Not resolutions.